Say It Isn't So, Kramer

Life was so much easier when Kramer would make us smile with a grandiose entrance into Jerry's apartment and a bizzare quip.


By now, you've no doubt heard about the racial tirade made by Michael Richards at a Los Angeles comedy club.

The world was so much kinder when he masqueraded on Thursday nights as a man who was known as Cosmo.

George Costanza: You're really moving to California?

Cosmo Kramer: [points to his head] Up here, I'm already gone.

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Cosmo Kramer: If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.

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[Kramer has a vanity plate, "Assman", and parks in a reserved hospital zone] Security guard: Can I help you?

Cosmo Kramer: [points to his license plate] Uh, yeah, Doctor Cosmo Kramer. Proctology.

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Jerry: Why are you buttering your face?

Cosmo Kramer: I'm shaving with it.

Jerry: Oh Moses, smell the roses.

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[Kramer has an intern]

Intern: Mr. Newman on line 2...

Jerry: Line 2?

Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, your phone is line 1.

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Cosmo Kramer: [Kramer is describing George's hands] Smooth... Creamy... Delicate, yet... Masculine...!

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Jerry: This woman's completely ignoring me.

Cosmo Kramer: Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship. A spinster... Maybe a virgin. Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She's a schoolgirl, there was a boy, it didn't work out. So now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. Needs a little Kramer.

Jerry: Then she'll need a little shot of penicillin.