Tears From Heaven... or Why I Was Crying In Church

Sometimes we all need a good cry. Sometimes we don't even realize we need a good cry. I was bowled over by emotion this weekend after an unexpected but enlightening lecture.

I'm still rockin' hard core with the Catholic faith, but I decided to give my friend's church a spin yesterday. It's one of those mega churches that are sprouting out across the country. Big auditoriums with rock bands and catchy movie clips to express the topic du jour. Coffee in the atrium before the service and people everywhere wearing jeans.

Not quite what you expect at my St. Mary's.

Anyway.

D Money and I went because the church is starting an interesting series on nookie. It's called Sex: What's The Big Deal, and there were a whole lotta people turning out in what I would think be the least likely of places to talk about effin'.

The service started with Marvin Gay's Let's Get It On blaring over the loudspeakers as this deep, chocolate voice started reading these flowery passages about milk and honey and your body is a temple of spun gold and blah blah blah. As it turned out, the phrases weren't a bunch of come-on lines strung together but the beautiful words of Song of Solomon. Quite an innovative way to get The Word out.

The 30-something pastor (was he a pastor? A preacher? I'm not really sure) then started a talk he said that would sound exactly the same as if we all were sitting on his back deck. He told us he was a virgin when he got married. "And not in the new meaning of virginity. When I got married, I hadn't licked anyone, and no one had licked me."

Well. Alrighty then.

Then he started talking about our sexual history and how it makes for a hardening of our hearts. The pastor said that with each encounter, we become desensitized to the gift sex can be when it's with a committed partner (read: husband or wife). He said God actually loves sex and cheers us on whole heartedly (picture the pastor doing arm pumps in the air at this point) when we're with our spouse.

The whole talk gave me a lot to talk about. I started crying as I looked back on each relationship with my past. I became regretful with just how much I gave to people (and I am speaking here more in the emotional sense here as opposed to the physical) and how much I got trashed in return.

Then I started thinking about how I've started looking again in all the wrong places for love. Bars, I would have to say, are the last spot a person should check out if they're seeking a committed relationship.

And I also started thinking about how I've been looking just too damn hard for too damn long. All the crazy internet sites (okay, they're really not all that wacky, but some of the people on there are) and all the wild parties. I've looked in bible studies and at wine bars. I've looked in coffee shops and book stores.

And I've got nothin' folks.

And so the little talk on doin' the nasty inspired me to take a break from dating. That doesn't mean I do that kind of thing every time I'm on a date (I ain't no hollaback grrl), but I've come to discover that at 28 years of age, pretty much every guy I go out with has an ulterior motive that has something to do with getting me out of my skivvies.

And I'm not so down with that.

I still plan on going out. I'll even have the occasional conversation with strange men. But until I decide to call this thing off, I'm just gonna stay single.

Cheers.