Hey, Ladies...

The Victoria Secret Semi Annual Sale is over July 4th. Get your orders in now before you run out of coverage and start nipping out at the movie theatre during "War of The Worlds."

There's nothing I hate more than cutting glass while watching an extraordinary battle for the future of mankind.

Saying Goodbye To Home: T Minus 24 Hours and Counting...

Monday 4:11 pm
From Kate's hallowed homestead bedroom (a shrine to her juvenile years) somewhere in Connecticut.

SO, I'm pretty ready for this whole thing to be over. By this whole thing, I mean: Saying goodbye to the family homestead one final time, leaving my loving father and sometimes (okay, more than sometimes) obsessive-compulsive, irrational mother behind, and returning to my more normal eating program of meat, veggies and dairy (as opposed to the non-traditional diet of pie or ice cream for breakfast, seafood always fattening mind you for lunch or dinner, wine or cocktails and nibblies at 5 o'clock, another truly indulgent meal and then pie or ice cream for dessert.)

I think I've stumbled on the building blocks for the next stages of evolution. They involve all remaining members of the human species eating themselves into oblivion and then collectively casting themselves onto the beaches of both coasts, where they will then slink back into the more comfortable, less constricting ocean waters, to retire for all eternity.

Just a thought.

Back to the family. My teen sister is a typical 18 year old, complete with arrogant attitude that any time spent with her is an honor and privilege "...Oh, and I'll only go with you if you give me ten dollars or buy my drink at Starbucks." So I guess water would be out of the question, no?

My 26 year old sister left for Atlanta yesterday, going back to the sanity of her career and her husband and the dog named Biscuit. I was a bit miffed when I discovered the anniversary present I gave her had been intentionally left behind, prominently sitting on the dresser in her bedroom. Fine, I didn't want you to have it, anyway. So there.

The parents are, well, they are the parents. My dad is the voice of sanity like always, although that sanity sometimes concedes to cow-towing to my mother for the sake of calm. My mother is heavily embroiled in a one woman crusade against all that is marred with imperfection. By that I mean fingerprints, wrinkles, strange odors and other general signs of use or human appreciation.

To that end, I have learned that opening the cupboards by any other way than a perfectly executed grasping of the brass knobs is enough to warrant a half-hour, simultaneous chastising and purification process. Bedspreads are apparently meant only to cover the other bed linens, and any resting of one's posterior on said bedspread is hereby considered a completely grievous crime worthy of a ten minute fluffing and further banishment from said bedroom.

I really cannot appreciate all the anal compulsions that run deep through my family bloodline. I tend to think I take after my father's more relaxed lineage than I do the precise, emotionally remote side side of my mother's German brethren.

Verstahen Sie?

Saying goodbye to the house is going to be hard. It's not so much a house as it is the total experience this home provides. We have a backyard about the size of a park, which is very rare in this South-Of-The-Post-Road neighborhood, where the yards are more like postage stamps. About half a mile to the left is The Sound, and steps away to the right is the Town Green. Madison is one of those spots just begging to star in a movie, what with it's old fashioned movie theatre and quaint American flags flying. There's only two gas stations on the main drag, and they're just down the way from one of the best independent book sellers in the country. We have horribly overpriced boutiques and I think at last check seven coffee shops (all for a town with a year round population of 15k. That's a lot of coffee.)

It's going to be hard to say goodbye to Heaven tomorrow, but I'm ready. Mom's got my bags packed and has decontaminated my living space, making sure I leave no little smudge, not even a wayward hair behind for the home's next owners.

Left Hand On Red

I'm looking for a duvet cover for my new comforter, and found this on line.
It's apparently the rage in the UK.

Certainly one way to spice up a sleepless night.

Check. Check. Check.

Miscellaneous items from my packed bags:

Big Sexy Hair Spray (yes, that's what it's really called)
bikini
phone charger
silver, sparkly dress shoes
The Nanny Diaries
plane ticket
hand lotion
Crest white strips (on day 6)
facial bronzer
gift for the graduate
Cosmo & Town & Country
Brand new razor (don't you just love those?)
melatonin
sundress
The DaVinci Code
credit card
passport (you never know when you're going to be whisked away)
tylenol

This Is Where I'm Going...

So I'm practically counting the hours until I go home.

Madison, Connecticut is a tiny, little town on the coast of Long Island Sound (yes, CT is on the water. You'd never guess how many times I'm asked that) about smack dab in the middle of the state. We're about 16 miles east of New Haven, two hours west of Boston and an hour and a half train ride to the Big Apple.


I wasn't always a New Englander. In fact, I'm a Southerner by birth, a Midwesterner by rearing, but I claim N.E. home since we moved there before my sophomore year in high school.


You can't help but appreciate the beauty of the Connecticut coast when you've been landlocked practically all your life, and this trip should be no different for me.

I fully intend to eat my weight in seafood (raw oysters, lobster bisque, steamed mussels... it doesn't matter, I like it all) and lay out on the beach until I am at the very least good and pink.
I also want to walk down my street and do the circuit down Middle Beach (West and East) to check out the view.

This will probably be my last trip back to the family homestead (it's on the market) so I really want to make the most of the trip.

Gosh, I'm getting melancholy.

The Suggestion Box Is Now Open

Folks, I'm gearing up to hit the beach this weekend. I plan on sleeping on the sand, drinking on the sand and, of course, reading on the sand.

That said, I'm looking for some summer reading.

Remember when we were in school and they gave us a list of, like, 20 books to read over summer so that we had something to talk about when we got back to school? Books like "Across Five Aprils", "Flowers for Algernon", "The Great Gatsby", "The Crucible", "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"?

Well, this time you get to come up with my Summer reading list.

Already on my list:
"The DaVinci Code" (yes, I am so behind the times)

I'm not into science fiction (sorry, guys) and I hate trashy romance novels. Other than that, I'm pretty wide open. I am specifically looking for books that make for a quick read, something entertaining.

Oh, and please, no porn. I'm more manually stimulated.

Red Hot

The front office at the Great American Ball Park is finally stepping up to the plate.

Yesterday came the announcement Cincinnati Reds management was firing manager Dave Miley and pitching coach Don Gullett.

And the boys in Red responded by putting another W on the board.



Some people (the die-hards, admittedly) are calling for a Pennant rally.

We'll see.

Just A Few Words...

About my three day weekend:

Chilly night by the pool
Exchanging numbers in the street
Pink pedicure
White seersucker dress
Red River Gorge
Channel 36 reunion
Vows exchanged
Open bar
Dancing my ass off
Church in the morning
Visiting a new bundle of joy
Sex And The City Cincinnati style on a Sunday
Walking with a good friend
Buying some much needed batteries
Checking out the Cribs of Homearama
Sinking in to my bed for a few hours

Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was A Freak Like Me?

So, my bed is the most comfortable thing to sleep in this side of the Ohio River.

And I'm inviting y'all to come to my 'lil house to check it out.

Okay, not really, because that would be one hell of a sleepover and I just don't think I have enough pillows.

Last week I cashed in on this major sale at Macy's. Picked up a down featherbed, a down comforter and two down pillows for 75 bucks.

SO I am taking this whole "feathering my nest" thing quite literally.

And now I seem to be having even more difficulty getting my quite comfortable body out of bed.

Don't you wish you could sleep with me?

Wanted: A Good Wife

This guy is more hard up for a spouse than I am. He's launched a website, is putting up a billboard in Omaha and is even picketing at street corners to raise awareness about his cause.

He's a bit too old for me and the distance thing could be provide for trouble when trying to have children, so I decided to pass his story back on to you all.

Perhaps you know someone who's looking for a good man to love.

Anyway, check his site out. He's getting a lot of press, so it's only a matter of time before you hear about him.

Yep, I Got 'Em ALL Cut

The Guy Who Sits Next To Me At Work says it wasn't worth the four hours I spent in the chair.

Catty-Corner Man has yet to offer an opinion, though he was a bit shocked at the time it took.

Still working on the picture thing...

Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve

I Still keep thinking about these really hip, sterling silver bracelets.

I think I might wanna get the "Lucky Lager" version, though you can't go wrong with the Miller High Life or Pabst Blue Ribbon styles.

I wonder if the maker needs any volunteers emptying said cans.

Hmm, I'm sensing a new career could be on the horizon.

Swing Batter, Swing

There are few things in life better than a cold beer at an afternoon baseball game.



That was my treat this Sunday: Spending a few hours at Great American Ball Park to watch the Reds beat the Orioles 10 to six, winning five of the six game series (sorry, Micah).

The first pitch was tossed around 1:15, the temperature was in the 80s and fans in the stadium were treated to a refreshing, gentle breeze.

It was a great day for baseball.

As the Ohio River rolled by the backside of the stadium, Griffey rolled through the bases twice, thanks to his awesome power to summon a pair of homeruns.

My group was suffering a downer from the news Lexington native Austin Kearns was to be traded down to the Louisville Riverbats (his game is a bit off, and his replacer Wiy Mo Pena is the epitome of hot right now).


So long, Austin

The W on the board was a bit of boost for the fans coping with the baseball travesty.

Considering the way the Reds have been playing, there's sure to be a few more disappointments.

Flipping Through the Pages of Time

I got tagged by Christian for this meme. I really enjoyed thinking about this one. Feel free to steal the meme and do it on your own blog.

What is the total number of books I've owned?
Oh gosh, I have two full bookcases in two different parts of the country. In Connecticut, I probably have 200 books in my bedroom there (yes, it is still in pristine condition as a shrine to my younger days), as well as probably several hundred in storage in the orthodontist area of our family home (it's a long story but in short: No my father's not an orthodontist, yes we have a complete orthodontist area in our home complete with a waiting room, receptionist's area, lab, three patient rooms and a bathroom. Maybe some day I'll blog about it if you remind me. If you really want to know more, that is).
I also have several hundred in my apartment. Somebody was over at my house a couple weeks ago and he remarked I had lots of books in my living room. I just kind of shrugged.

What was the last book that I bought?
Since they were all bought at the same time: Four different cookbooks, a wine guide, a broadcasting history anthology and a Norman Rockwell collection coffee table type book.

What was the last book that I read?
I am ashamed to say I don't read like I used to. I usually tote along several books on any vacation I go on, but I can't say with any firm recollection the last book I read. A couple months ago I picked up The Taming of the Shrew at B & N and quite liked it. Other than that, I read mostly newspapers and magazines (I would not survive without Cosmo). I mean to dive back into Great Expectations (see below) sometime this summer.

Name 5 books that mean a lot to you:
I had abizarree aptitude for reading when I was younger. I learned to read at around 4 or so, and could read complete newspapers at five, though I don't know how much I understood. In 4th grade my parents started requiring me to read The Classics. I had to read one a week (which sucked because Little Women had like 500 pages and yet To Kill A Mockingbird was only, like, 200). I really hated being holed up in my room reading The Old Man And The Sea and Goodbye, Mister Chips when I was 10. All I wanted to do was add to my collection of Nancy Drews, and so that's probably one of the books that mean a lot to me (Nancy, that is). I got my first ND in second grade as a gift for my First Communion. I remember the day like it was yesterday: We had brunch after church in downtown Cincinnati @ the Omni Netherland (kind of fancy schmancy). It was a highfalutin' brunch where the tables had white tablecloths and several forks at each place setting. Quite a moment to get stamped onto the brain of an eight year old.

Second important book: The Scarlet Letter. I had the most inspirational teacher for Honors English my junior year in high school. Bob Heifetz was his name, and he was a literary god. Mr H. had a way of getting each and every student (though I guess ours was not a class of dumbbells) to connect to the work in question. He was so passionate about T.S.L. and that passion rubbed on me. I still feel so bad for Hester Prynne and yet admire her strength at the same time.

Third important book: Great Expectations. Same reasoning, different teacher (Miss Miller, though the Miss is misleading, as she was probably 65 or so).

I would be remiss if I did not put the Bible on this list. As a practicing Catholic, I prefer the New American Version, though I am fairly certain each version pretty much imparts the same sentiment. My copy is a bit worn with little scribbles on passages I like or find significance. I truly believe the answer to every question about life can be found in the Bible. I like this acronym: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

Book Five: The Peshal Book. Okay, that's not really what it's called (I think it says Childrens Stories by Better Homes and Gardens), but that's what I called it when I was little I was trying to say 'special'. It's this old anthology of children's stories that was given to my father when he was a little boy. I think his aunt dated her inscription something, like, 1945. Anyway, my dad used to read The Peshal Book to my sisters and me when we were little peanuts. My dad gave me the book for Christmas several years ago. I only hope I have a few little peanuts of my own someday to read to from The Peshal Book.

Okay, but back to this whole TomKat Thing...

Is the Humpty Dance playing in the background?

Saw Katie dear on Letterman tonight.

I mean, folks, the gig is up. We get it. We'll watch your damn movies. Now, please stop gushing over this totally fake romance.

Tom should have gone with someone with more cred to pull this thing off, maybe someone like Natalie Portman or Kirsten Dunst. Someone with a wider acting range.

You can only play gushing so many ways.

Gracias, Danke, Thanks

Much appreciation to all my fans - those of you who visit on a regular basis and consistently have a way of making me smile in the middle of the night - and those of you who just slip through the door to check things out while you're party hopping in the World Wide Web.

Thanks for kicking up my counter to over 20 K. And no, none of that accounts for my own visits, as I have banned my counter from adding up my many check-ins. I owe all the credit to you.

Thanks!

Treasure Hunt

The Hamilton Co. Public Library system is having it's annual used book sale at Fountain Square.
(By far, downtown Cincinnati's most recognizable landmark. Check the WKRP's show open to jog your mind).



Here's what I picked up yesterday:

A Martha Stewart cookbook hate the bitch, love her style

White House Family Cookbook From Johnson to Reagan

Let's Entertain NYC Junior League cookbook circa 1987

We Interrupt This Broadcast (have been wanting this book for about 6 or 7 years, could never quite cough up the 50 bucks to buy it)

A Norman Rockwell collection book by Better Homes and Gardens circa 1976 Gosh, they made great things that year ;)

A book on how to enjoy/appreciate/learn about wine So it involves more than just swallowing?

Miss Manners: A book by Judith Martin This appeals to my anal thank-you-card-sending/how-to-hold-your-fork-and-knife compulsion

The Complete Writings of Mark Twain

Grand Total: $27

I fully intend to make it back there this week to scout out a few more finds and to talk to the crazy lady with the missing top row of teeth. She said she had some inside information on a crime scene that my TV station would want to know about.

Ah yes, gotta love the local color.

Can You Feel My Music?

So, yesterday my crotch was vibrating, and my high school gal-pal N. was on the other end.

Slap Get your dirty mind out of the gutter! Those of you who know me should know better. Those of you who don't, know this: My life has a wild streak, but it's not that wild.

Anyway.

So I like to drive in my car with loud, l-o-u-d music. If I had one of those things in the back like the guys with the tricked out cars, then the fiberglass in my car would rattle, too.

That's how loud I like my music.

I'm just normally not listening to Tupac (though I loves me some good California Lovin'), I'm more listening to The Killers, Dave Matthews or the man I affectionately call Fitty Cent.

There's something about being swallowed by the music that's pumping out of the eight speakers scattered around my vintage (does 10 years make something vintage?) VW. It's almost as if I'm cruising down I-71 submersed in my own private rock concert. My eardrums get off on the thumping that comes with the jacked up sound of my stereo.

Unfortunately, my penchant for loud music has a way of making me missing phone calls.

Lots of phone calls.

Charlies Angels, In Da Club, Knight Rider, no matter the ringer on my cellie, I miss lots of calls when I'm simultaneously cruisin' and jammin'.

And so, that's how I figured out if I put my phone on vibrate and keep it in my lap, well, it does a good job of letting me know I'm loved.

Not Sex-and-the-City-Pearl-Bunny loved, but Can Ya Hear Me Now? loved.

I'm sure I'm not the only driver to resort to the vibrator setting while behind the wheel, but I'm unsure how many others are motivated by the loud tunage crooning out of their stereo.

And the best thing about this particular vibrating apperatus is that the battery lasts far longer.

Friday Horoscope

From the Cincinnati Enquirer:

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21): Liberating thoughts: "There" is no more exciting than "here." You will be as exactly happy "then" as you are "now." No one is better or worse than you.

This is obviously a message for me to be patient, good things come to those who wait, live in the moment and every other cliche you've ever heard. I suppose there's a grain of salt of truth to the premise. My future life as a good wife and happy mom will be full of as many ups and downs as my life has now, so I guess I should just savor my singlehood and wait for all the cards to fall into place.

God, patience is such a virtue.

Early Breakfast

from Friday's Feast

Appetizer
What comes to mind when you hear the word bizarre?
Hmm, something that's kind of weird but not gruesome. Either that, or a spelling mistake discribing a colorful place with international food, belly dancers and unique crafts.

Soup
Using just a few words, describe your childhood.
Loving. Comfortable. Adventurous. Challenging. Happy.

Salad
Name one thing you do each day that you feel improves your appearance.
Uhhh, does brushing my teeth count?

Main Course
On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how would you rate your self-confidence?
Maybe about an 8 or 9, depending on how comfortable I am with my body image. Someday some man is going to be lucky to be with me (I guess that means I'm pretty darn confident).

Dessert
Where did you last find a bargain?
I can't remember. I troll the racks at Banana frequently and got a great 200 dollar blazer for 50 bucks. I got a nice pair of Coach shoes on sale recently, and just yesterday a picked up a dynomite, white seersucker sundress (Issac Mizerahi for Target) for a whole 24 bucks. (Seersucker: there's that whole Southern Belle thing again). Can I tell you how much I love to shop?

Dixie Born But Not Bred

I made some sweet tea yesterday. Set my jar out in the sun all day long for "Sun Brewed Tea" (Used a spicy Good Earth tea, my favorite) and then sweetened it with Splenda.

More proof I am a Southern Belle trapped in a Yankee Bitch's body.

Off the AP Wire...

This is the kind of story that makes me pissed off at the military. For chrissakes, this woman was just doing her GD job, and they punish her anyway.

AP-OH--Soldiers-Scrounging

Ohio officer granted partial clemency

DAYTON, Ohio (AP) - Partial clemency has been granted to a
former Ohio Army Reserve commander who was court-martialed for
scavenging parts to carry out a mission in Iraq.
Major Cathy Kaus of Dayton will get to stay in the military.
She spent six months in a military prison in San Diego, and
applied for clemency. A military officer reduced her punishment to
a reprimand, the six months already served in jail, and a
5-thousand dollar fine.
She was among six Ohio reservists court-martialed for scavenging
parts of abandoned Army vehicles to help them deliver fuel to U.S.
forces in Iraq.
Chief Warrant Officer Darrell Birt of Columbus also was granted
partial clemency.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

AP-NY-06-02-05 0058EDT

Distracting Like A Train Wreck

Wow. This blog is captivating. Just a heads up.

Bowties Are Hot

Tucker Carlson is soo good looking. I just want to rip that bowtie off him and tie him up with it.