My "To-Do" List for Wednesday December 15th...

In order of the time they'll be accomplished... certainly not by priority:

-Make a pot of coffee (more of the Gevalia stuff.) I'm shooting to do this around 1:45 am... but my body is telling me I should have gotten my ass out of this chair an hour ago to make the damn coffee.

-Produce 1 1/2 hour long newscast. Will I get in trouble if my exhaustion leads me to disseminate wrong information? Hmm. That's an option to consider...

-Get my hair done. Woo Hoo. A hair appointment is like a meeting with God. It's the moment a woman gets to reflect on what kind of image her hair portrays (super tramp/soccer mom/high maintenance Barbie/etc.) and decide which direction she'd like to steer that image. I'm going for the "Dear God, if you talk to me... you'll never need another woman for the rest of your life." Who knew blonde highlights and some layers could express that sentiment?...

-Sleep. It's tough to maintain some semblance of a normal sleep schedule while on this F'ed up shift. I've been sleeping for 4 or 5 hours when I get off work... and then staggering little cat naps through out the day. Needless to say, hit me at the wrong time... and Kate can be a cranky girl.

-Whip up a side dish for a Christmas party tonight. I've been asked to do mashed potatoes/green been casserole/stuffing or another "main stream" side dish. Being that I'm kind of a closet "Martha" (except not so bitchy or psycho) I am considering just how I can out-do regular ol' mashed potatoes. Any suggestions?

-Babysit. This particular set of children is very demanding (I've never met a less pleasant 20 month old in my life. I'm wondering whether the youngest child has some physical problem that inhibits her ability to crack a smile.) but the mom pays me well... so I don't complain.

-Catnap.

-Run home and toss on a cute outfit for the above Christmas party. I'll be relying on some of my old standbys... the Black Knee High boots... the red off-the-shoulder shirt, a pair of gray slacks and a beautiful red and gold plaid wire trimmed bow to tie around my neck. I may very well be the best Christmas present a man could ever get.

-Attend said party with my Dirty Santa gift. I put together a basket of things based on a theme I'm going for: The Metrosexual Man Who Just Can't Get It Right. The items include: A gold plastic steering wheel cover "for the man who wants to show off his tricked out ride" and a Du Rag "for the guy who wants to keep his hair nice and neat when he be ballin'."

-Catnap.

-Go back to work at 11:30 Wednesday night...

ANYONE HAVE A LOADED GUN OR DR. KAVORKIAN'S PHONE NUMBER?